A Series of Unfortunate Musical Numbers
by The Lightning Knight
Summary: A bunch of songfics related to the stories. If you click here you will experiance dreadful songs about terrible swarming insects, People who betray other people, People sharing hatred for eacother, and the ChaCha Slide. Read at your own risk.
1. Fiona has to go her own way

This musical number takes place when Fiona is about to leave the Baudilaires. It's "I've Got to Move On" from High School Musical 2. I thought that it fit the occasion.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Series of Unfortunate Events characters, or High School Musical 2. Although I wish I did, because then I'd be rich.

Fiona: Baudilaires... Klaus... I'm sorry.  
_I gotta say what's on my mind  
Something about Fernald and me  
doesn't seem right these days  
life keeps getting in the way  
Whenever we try, somehow the plan  
is always rearranged  
It's so hard to say  
But I've gotta do what's best for me  
You'll be ok..  
I've got to move on and be who I am  
I just don't belong here  
I hope you understand  
We might find our place in this  
world someday  
But at least for now  
I gotta go my own way  
Don't wanna leave it all behind  
But I get my hopes up  
and I watch them fall everytime  
Another color turns to grey  
and it's just too hard to watch it all  
slowly fade away  
I'm leaving today 'cause I've  
gotta do what's best for me  
you'll be ok..  
I've got to move on and be who I am  
I just don't belong here  
I hope you understand  
We might find our place in this  
world someday  
But at least for now  
I gotta go my own way _

Klaus  
_What about us?  
What about everything we've been through? _

Fiona

_Why won't you give my brother trust?_

_You know I never wanted to hurt you._

_And what about me?_

Klaus  
_What am I supposed to do?  
_Fiona  
_I gotta leave but I'll miss you_

Klaus  
I'll miss you

Fiona: When you think of me, think of a food you love very much. -Kisses Klaus gently on the mouth, and starts leaving the submarine-

-Singing continues-

Fiona  
_So I've got to move on and be who I am _

Klaus  
_Why do you have to go? _

Fiona  
_I just don't belong here  
I hope you understand _

Klaus  
_I'm trying to understand _

Fiona  
_We might find our place  
in this world someday  
but at least for now _

Klaus  
_I want you to stay _

Fiona  
_I wanna go my own way  
I've got to move on and be who I am _

Klaus  
_What about us? _

Fiona  
_I just don't belong here I hope you understand _

Klaus  
_I'm trying to understand _

Fiona  
_We might find our place in this  
world someday  
but at least for now  
I gotta go my own way  
I gotta go my own way  
I gotta go my own way _

Klaus: She's gone.


	2. ChaCha Slide: Snow Gnat Style

I was inspired to wright this when I read that the Snow Gnats stung "from the left to the right". I thought it would be funny if they did this.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Series of Unfortunate Events characters, or the Cha-Cha Slide. Although I wish I did, because then I'd be rich.

Violet: What in the world is that ominous-looking cloud of tint, white buzzing objects coming toward us?

Klaus: I don't know...

The objects come closer, and Klaus now knows what they are.

Klaus: Snow Gnats...

One of the snow gnats starts to play music, while the rest start stinging Violet and Klaus.

Violet: Ow!

Klaus: Ow!

Snow Gnat Leader:

Clap your hands everybody

Violet and Klaus clap their hands together to squish the gnats

Sting to the left

Violet: Ow!

take it back now yal

Klaus: Ow!

One hop this time

The gnats swarm near the ground, and Violet and Klaus jump over them  
Right kid lets sting

Violet: Ow!  
Left kid lets sting

Klaus: Ow!  
Cha Cha now yal

Klaus and Violet try to avoid the gnats, and are movie to the cha-cha  
To the left

Violet and Klaus move to the left away from the gnats trying to sting them  
Take it back now yal

The gnats go to the left, and Violet and Klaus move back  
Two stings this time

Violet: Ow!

Klaus: Ow!  
Two on the left

Violet: Ow! Ow!

Two on the right

Klaus: Ow! Ow!  
Cha Cha now yal

The gnats make them do the Cha-Cha now  
Sting to the right

Klaus: Ow!  
Sting to the left

Violet: Ow!  
Take it back now yal

Violet and Klaus move backwards  
One hop this time

Violet and Klaus hop over the gnats  
Right foot lets stomp

They try to stomp on the gnats with their right foot

Left foot lets stomp

They try to stomp on the gnats with their left foot  
Charlie Brown

The gnats make them do Charlie Brown  
Cha Cha now yal

The gnats make them do the cha-cha again  
Five hops this time

They hop over the gnats five times  
Touch your knees

Gnats fly above them, and they bend down  
how low can you go

Gnats fly at them, and they duck  
can go down low

The gnats do it again, and they do a limbo-type thing  
All the way to floor

They fall back and land on the ground  
Can you bring it the top

They slowly get up  
like you never never stop

They hop over the gnats again  
One hop this time

They hop over the gnats again  
Right foot lets stomp

They stomp on the gnats with their right foot  
Left lets stomp

They stomp with their left foot  
Reverse Reverse  
Reverse Reverse

They back away under the sheets, and only their hands are shown  
Gnat Leader:

We can only sting their hands, 'cause they think they can hide,

But that's alright.

You see him about to sting a place on Violets thumb where she's already been stung, but then you see her under the sheets

Violet: Ow!


	3. Violet and Olaf: What is this feeling?

This is something funny I thought of. It's Olaf and Violet singing to the song "Loathing" from Wicked. It takes place when the Bauldilaires are living with Olaf.

Disclaimer: I do not own ASOUE or Wicked, although I wish I did, because then I'd probably be rich.

-

Violet: You hit my brother!

Olaf: Only because you prepared the wrong DINNER!

Violet: Yo mamma.

Olaf's gang gasps

Olaf: Oh no, you didn't!

Violet: Oh yes I did!

-They both start singing-

Both:

There's been some confusion  
For you see, my guardian/new child is:

Olaf:  
Unusually and exceedingly peculiar  
And altogether quite impossible to describe:

Violet:  
Drunk.

Olaf:  
What is this feeling,  
So sudden and new?

Violet:  
I felt the moment  
I laid eyes on you;

Olaf:  
My pulse is rushing;

Violet:  
My head is reeling;  
Olaf:  
My face is flushing;

BOTH:  
What is this feeling?  
Fervid as a flame,  
Does it have a name?  
Yes! Loathing  
Unadulterated loathing

Olaf:  
For your face;

Violet:  
Your gang;

Olaf:  
Your clothing;

BOTH:  
Let's just say - I loathe it all  
Everry little trait, however small  
Makes my very flesh begin to crawl  
With simple utter loathing  
There's a strange exhilaration  
In such total detestation  
It's so pure and strong!  
Though I do admit it came on fast  
Still I do believe that it can last  
And I will be loathing  
Loathing you  
My whole life long!

Klaus and Sunny:  
Oh, dear Violet, you are just too good

Olaf's Henchmen:  
How do you stand it? I don't think I could!

(Olaf: Hey!)

Sunny, Klaus, and the Henchmen:  
He's a terror! He's a Tartar!  
We don't mean to show a bias,  
But oh Violet, you're a martyr!

Violet:Well; these things are sent to try us!

Klaus, Sunny, and Henchmen:  
Oh, poor Violet, forced to reside  
With someone so disgusticified

(Olaf: You'll be fired if you don't stop!)

Klaus, Sunny, and Henchmen:  
We all just want to tell you:  
We're all on your side!  
We share your;

Olaf and Violet:  
What is this feeling  
So sudden and new?  
I felt the moment I laid eyes on you  
My pulse is rushing  
My head is reeling  
Oh, what is this feeling?  
Does it have a name?  
Yes  
Ahhh

Klaus, Sunny, and Henchmen (Singing while Olaf and Violet were):  
Loathing  
Unadulterated loathing  
For her face, her voice, her clothing  
let's just say - we loathe it all  
every little trait however small  
makes our very flesh being to crawl  
Whoa, oh!

All:  
Loathing!

Klaus, Sunny, and Henchmen:  
Loathing

Olaf and Violet:  
There's a strange exhilaration

Klaus, Sunny, and Henchmen:  
Loathing

Olaf and Violet:  
In such total detestation  
Klaus, Sunny, and Henchmen:  
Loathing

Olaf and Violet:  
It's So pure, so strong

Klaus, Sunny, and Henchmen:  
So strong!

Olaf and Violet:  
Though I do admit it came on fast  
Still I do believe that it can last  
And I will be...

Klaus, Sunny, and Henchmen (While Olaf and Violet are singing):  
Loathing...

Olaf and Violet:  
Loathing  
For forever...

Klaus, Sunny, and Henchmen (While Olaf and Violet are singing):  
Loathing...

Olaf and Violet:  
Loathing,  
Truly deeply loathing you

Klaus, Sunny, and Henchmen:  
Loathing you

All:  
My whole Life long!

Klaus, Sunny, and Henchmen:  
Loathing  
Unadulterated loathing

Violet:  
Boo!

Olaf:  
AH!

Klaus: That was fun.

Olaf: Let's go get a snowcone.


	4. Olaf's Theme Song!

This really has no connection with the series. It's just something I thought would be funny. It's to the tune of the popular (And Annoying) children's show's theme-song, Barney the Dinosaur.

Disclaimer: I do not own ASOUE, although I wish I did, because then I'd be rich. I do not own Barney the dinosaur, and I'm glad I don't, because then I'd be nuts.

-

You see Olaf with his original group, yelling at them

Olaf: YOU STUPID IDIOTS! YOU CAN'T EVEN CAPTURE A BUNCH OF NERDY CHILDREN!

Fernald (Hook Man): It's not our fault that they're smart enough to get out of these situations!

White Faced Woman 1: Yeah, that bookworm is practically a library!

Olaf: Well, do better next time! -Leaves the room-

White Faced Woman 2: He's gone...

Long-Nosed Bald Dude: HIT IT!

The one that looks neither like a man or a woman hits the radio, and it starts playing Barney's Theme-Song

**Fernald:**

Olaf is a stupid count who wants to rule the nation

**Long Nose:**  
And when he's tall  
he's what we call an Olaf-Saur sensation!

**White Faced Women:**  
Olaf's friends are big and small  
they come from lots of places  
after spying we'll meet today  
and kill with evil faces

**Fernald:**  
Olaf shows us lots of things  
Like how to make a fire  
VFD shall roam the seas  
As we, they will admire.

**All:**  
Olaf comes to yell at us  
Whenever we angered him  
And I will be your friend, too  
If you just help me leave him!


	5. WORMS!

This takes place when the Baudilaires were staying with the freaks. It's to the tune of "I'll just eat worms".

Disclaimer: I do not own ASOUE, yada, yada, yada... OK, you get it.

-

Klaus: Why are you guys always so depressed?

Hugo: I'm a hunchback.

Colette: My body bends!

Kevin: Both my hands are equally strong!

The Baudilaires hear music. The "freaks" start singing.

**Hugo:**

**Nobody likes me, Everybody hates me, Guess I'll go eat worms.**

**Kevin:**

**Big fat juicy ones,**

**Hugo:**

**Short and slimy ones,**

**Both:**

**Oh, how they wiggle and squirm.**

**Colette:**

**First you bite their heads off,**

**Kevin:**

**Then you suck their guts out,**

**Hugo:**

**Oh, how I love them worms!**

**All Three:**

**Nobody likes us, Everybody hates us, So let's go eat worms!**

The Baudilaires feel like barfing.


	6. The Orphan Song!

This is to the tune of "The Llama Song". More funny if you've read all the books.

Disclaimer: I do not own ASOUE. I'm not making a cheesy joke because I don't feel like it.

* * *

**THE ORPHAN SONG!**

**Here's an orphan,**

**There's and orphan,**

**And another little orphan,**

**Reading Orphan,**

**Biting Orphan,**

**Inventing Orphan,**

**Count.**

**-**

**Orphan,**

**Orphan,**

**Viper,**

**Orphan,**

**Snicket,**

**Leech,**

**Poe's stupid,**

**Orphan,**

**Orphan,**

**Orphan,**

**Mushroom Poison,**

**Orphan,**

**Orphan,**

**Count.**

**-**

**I was once real wealthy,**

**Then I live with snakes,**

**But I never saw the way the leeches ruled the lake,**

**My 'rents were only three days dead,**

**But they told a tell,**

**And now listen, stupid reader,**

**To this safety rale.**

**-**

**If you ever see an orphan,**

**Kiss an orphan,**

**Own an orphan,**

**Orphan's orphan,**

**Taste an orphan,**

**Orphan,**

**Orphan,**

**Count.**

**-**

**Who does Klaus end up with?**

**Is that all we're told?**

**Did they survive the Great Unknown?**

**Does Violet have four toes?**

**He's never gonna tell us this,**

**So I'm gonna pout,**

**Time for me to retire now,**

**And become a count.**


End file.
